It happens. It happened to me. Failed relationships. It’s neither an illusion nor a nightmare in dream land. It’s something that just went out of your hand. I have not exactly regrets sulking in what could have been, the most helpless way but more of lessons from bad, complicated experiences. Self-diagnosis, I guess all of my failed relationships stem from the fact that I was having troubles with making a commitment. I could not have a real or at least a decent relationship with someone, and it’s all too clear to me the reason. Commitment. It’s not even close to being in my dictionary. I would run away from it. Having a relationship with someone is a step backward towards my goals and should be the least of my priorities, I thought. If only time was out of the question when I was on it, I would have been successful. I guess.
I thought I had found the one a couple of years ago. I thought we had a connection. Too bad I was such a slack. We were texting everyday, but nothing special came up. I struggled with the relationship becoming more and more platonic everyday. When the go signal lighted on me, there’s just no stopping then. But as I was driven by the good thought lingering in my head, I was greeted by, let’s just say, a bad news -- she’s already taken (surprise! ha ha). Turned out, it’s all too late for me. She went off telling me that I was a brother to her.
The lesson was: It doesn’t hurt to show it if you know very well your direction. Go where the wind blows, that’s what they say. If you go stop and think too much about this and that stupidity, you might just end up the perfect loser. If you do, the very moment you realize that “Wow, she’s really the one”, the adrenalin becomes unbearable, blinding yourself from the obvious. More often, you would be surprised by circumstances that are meant to really teach you the hard way.
I’m sorry for stripping in front of you, well, emotionally. The movie Up in the Air (just saw it this afternoon) starring George Clooney, Vera Farmiga, and Anna Kendrick had me “Yeah, Ryan (George Clooney) is wholly me – a free spirit.” That character is one hell of a teacher. I have to say, it’s a very, very good movie. I love the poignant story and its lessons -- the entire putting priorities in order, the needed ‘existence’ in relationships with our loved ones and committing to that someone. We have to always try to see the more essential priorities because it might be that not everything on your list now matters for long in our lifetime.
